More than a soft spot.

Urrr No.

Was told today by an old bloke at work that I was the spitting image of this little lady....

.....Charlie Brooks. Don't really see it myself?

2 more sleeps.

Not that I'm sleeping at the moment, far too much on my mind.
Another thing added to the list, Forbidden Fruit issue again.
Hopefully after Christmas break I can find out for sure what is actually going on in that situation.
I have 2 more presents to buy... a birthday one and a christmas one.
Well it just wouldn't be xmas without that last minute panic!

Eurgh, I hate how UN-photogenic I can be.

It's all relative.

Nocturnal Fascination.

Kim jong il...re-incarnated?

Buy me this and I will love you forever.

Poor Levi.

Someone is getting a snip tomorrow, poor puppy x

Boo Today.

I hate today already.

1. it's raining
2. I slept shiiiit.
3. I broke my favourite mug of 6/7years.
4. I have dentist today - I predict bad things.
5. Student Portal is down so I can't find out my grade for my first essay.

Things better pick up before seeing my friends tonight.

Stupid Girl.

All dressed up with no where to go.
Resorting to hot chocolate and Jingle all the way.
Sent a text I wish I hadn't. Regrets, regrets.
Home tomorrow.

After Eights.

Definitely the best way to eat these. Who says you shouldn't play with your food.

Highly recommended you should!

University Girls.

We don't do christmas conventionally. Roast Dinner....ho ho no....Mexican Night haha.

Only bad point was not being able to drink with Meera on her last night of 2011 in Pompey.

Home on friday for a works meal....this should be interesting! xo

Christmas Wishes.

High waisted skinnies OR clothes voucher to get these beauts.

Pink Converse Allstars.

Wintergirls. I need a literary distraction.

Gym Membership....So money.

And a few other things buuuut we won't mention those.



Re-invention coming 2012.

ANTM allstar.....Modelland

I want this book, I need more fictional literature in my life.

Fits 'Who I am' below.

Who I am.

pretending to be myself again

acting as if I was who I am

wearing the clothes that I always wear

and doing the usual thing to my hair

pretending to be myself again

imitating the person I’ve always been

legally changing my name to my name

and making believe I’m exactly the same

a bunny in a bunny suit

tiger in a tiger mask

who in the world do you think that I am

I suppose it depends on who you ask

of all the disguises I’ve ever worn

I flatter myself in the most sincere form

still I’m kept at a distance by friends

for just pretending to be myself again

a bunny in a bunny suit

vampire with plastic teeth

who in the world do I think that I am

I guess it depends on who I believe

Larry but I like it.

Starting to become a tad worried for my social well being.
I enjoy my own company too much. I dont even mind being confined to my own room. I read, I surf the web, I watch films, I listen to music, I shop, I tidy, I play around with make up, I drink too much coffee.
If I wonder whats going on else where I ring my mum or sisters.
I can socialize when I need to but other than that I could happily stay in doors for a long time ha.
Sometimes its nice just being alone there plenty of time to put on that smiling face for others another day.

Dreaaaaam.

Sometimes I wish I could control my dreams. Like when I was younger.
Its so frustrating when you either wake incontrollably in the middle of a good dream; curious of how your mind would end it, if there is such a thing as an end to a dream...Or you wake up after your slumber wishing you hadnt had that dream because in the waking hours we can surpress our feelings or emotions but once in REM we end up creating and desiring things we conciously know won't/shouldn't/can't happen.

Poke and Prod.

F.m.l.
Went home for a few days to get some relaxation but all I got was aggro.
Got my depo. Sore bum.
Went to get my mould fitted for a new retainer. Gagged and choked.
Went to get my toe sorted out. Got antibiotics which are making me nauseous.
annnnd come back with a bug.
The universe just wants me to whinge.

N.B decided to back all the way off from the Forbidden Fruit situation. Too much drama, don't need that before christmas.

Confusion.

When we were 15 in situations such as these it was our prerogative to behave childishly and think only of our own wants and needs. But being 20 and once again in this situation is bloody difficult. You have to consider the reprocussions and others feelings aswell. Forbidden fruit.

WantWantWant.

Some one please have a fancy do so I can sport this up do x

Thinking Caps on.

I muuuust complete this essay this weekend. Well today would be nice. ha, I'll keep you posted blogosphere. This is my attempt at motivation.

250/1000.

Rosy Lee.

Tea with powdered milk....not too shabby.

Starting to love my bowler hat as an item of fashion, not costume.

Respect.

I'm at a bit of a loss atm.
This project as fun as it is is draining the life out of me. I'm not sleeping properly at night due to the fact that when I come in from the everyday 9-5 of this project I just crash on my bed uncontrollably. So when I do try to sleep at night and the fire alarm goes off and there are idiots in the lifts that are preventing me from getting me back to bed, I will get wound up and not get back to sleep till gone 5am. No respect.

So moving on. The lads. In the beginning I believed I was so lucky to have two fun and easy going lads. But it's got to the stage now where I'm starting to loose respect for them as they blantantly have no respect for me at all.
I have been informing them for a little while that I had a tutor led project coming up that was only 2weeks but it was gonna be really full on so I was gonna be tired etc (hint hint). And yet today I come home to blaring/banging music. It was relentless..... I tried to sleep away the noise which worked for a little while but I awoke with a headache. The music continued shaking my room and I heard  them shout to each other..'Is alice in?...I dunno I havent seen her!' Come and find out for yourself!!! Or even a text would be nice. I get sick of having to ask for the music to be turned down but obv they had completely forgotten what I had said about being tired and needing rest to do well in the project. So once the music subsided and it sounded quiet enough for me to leave my room I went to the kitchen to make dinner. Curiously I opened the fridge to see if the lads had brought milk like me and Claire had asked, as we had brought plenty of milk recently and they drank it without even thinking of thanking us. Yes there was plenty of milk in the fridge....with their names written on it.
Once again another example of the lads eavesdropping on our conversations and instead of being men and coming to us face to face they went behind our backs to be snide.

I had to vent sorry....

Just for tonight darling...

Last Christmas...

It's what I miss and it keeps me going.

I digress.

I'm still deviating away from my essay. murrrrr.
On the plus side I just had a epiphany of a great present for one of my sisters hehe. It's just to find it in this country ha.

Also this time of year is all about the pretty things....

Theatre!!!

It's been a while but I'm finally am going to see some live theatre tonight. Classic.
Romeo and Juliet, performed by and amateur company but still I've never seen it live before.
Eeeeep things on the up and up happiness wise, also due to the fact Breaking Dawn is tomorrow.
Hopefully can be projected into my essay writing soon. HA

Highs and Lows.

It's quite hilarious how my room, the organised chaos that it is, is following suit with my brain at the moment.

• We have the clutter of shoes facing all different directions, not neccessarily matching....not knowing where they are going.
• Then my Ironing board next to my wardrobe (you must know that my ironing board only stands just above the ankle) is beginning to be a book shelf for the books I need for my essay....ignoring it at them moment, it's down on my list as I need to not stress for now.
• We also have my cluttered desk, a few levels up on priority, consumed with post-it notes, coloured pencils, open make up case, hair grips, coffee mug, wires, lecture recorder, mirror, plugs, photo frame, nail varnish, printer and laptop and tv, ha.....all focal points in different rights.
• Next to desk is the messy overflowing bin...should be taken out but keeps getting forgotten amongst the madness of the rest of the room and uni life etc.

So this is my brain.
Some say a clean room is the way to a clean mind. But right now I can't compartmentalise everything, they all mesh in to one.

It's Just Emotions.

Very emotionally gruelling time.
Tearful. Too much.
Mum cries, I cry. I think about Charley and I well up.
My skin is shit atm. This essay is going no where.
BLEURGGGHHH!

200th POST!

Seems like a good and yet geeky time to mention how excited I am about the pending Twilight film.
Breaking Dawn ♥
Buttt just to prove I'm not as serious about it as I make out (i.e shouting in the cinema when the film is far too incorrect ha! yeah that was me) I am providing you with the eclipse parody. I LOLed. Long but worth the watch if you need a giggle.....

All the characters are pretty well matched apart from Alice's character who, omg I'm sorry if she ever saw this, is BUTTERS!

Busy Bee.

And it is essay writing time for the resident of 6-8-4......me.
It's just beginning it.
I'm also prepared to do something I have never done before. Make a detailed plan.
It's been a while since I wrote an academic essay, I feel a tad rusty. Not that it was ever a great talent of mine.
But here I sit incapable of beginning and feeling a strong headache coming on to the point of nausea.
It's daunting.
I think because of the sheer weight and speed that is gathering fast at the moment and swallowing me up. This essay is due 29th Nov which is also when I have to go see the Drama&English students performance. Not to mention overlapping this is the Tutor led project with which we have 2weeks to create, rehearse and perform. So that finishes on the 2nd Dec then the following drama student performances are on the 9th and the 15th. From these we must produce a critical analysis review to be handed in the day after we get back from Xmas. But the day before that we must hand in another academic essay.
Annnd I'm waitressing through Xmas, by my own doing, but it has to be done to earn some dosh!

Blahblahablahabkabkahablah. Yeaaah University wooo!

Exciting Prospects.

I know they say never to wish your time away but I'd much rather skip to next year when I'm in a house with Claire and the girls from the flat across. We were having a laugh this evening talking about pets and came to the conclusion we should have pretty fish named after us in our living room hehe.
I guess this apprehension may have come from the fact that our current male flat mates are taking liberties and leaving cleaning the communal kitchen area to Claire and I.
We have a flaming inspection tomorrow and they really didnt give a shit.
I dont give a crap how messy my room is because only I have to dwell there but the kitchen is somewhere we all have to use and store food! I dont wanna get ill because someone left dirt and messy plates everywhere!

Oh men!
Truely cant live with them cant live without them.

Recover?

I was a little insulted today when the line 'when you recover from your illness' came out of the disability officers mouth. Obviously hasn't got a clue what Chronic Fatigue is...

Right I've had enough of bitching and moaning about my illness, my best friend said I was being a matyr the other day. And I was but it's hard not to be when you're still settling the grounds for strong friendships with people you've only known for a couple of months.

I can't wait to go home at christmas... I think it's the excitement of christmas itself and getting all my family all in one house being silly together. It seems so close and yet so far away. I have an essay and performance project to complete before then. I havent started getting pressies yet but I feel like I should be. Slowly and steadily gathering them so I dont squander my food shopping budget.

Although my mum and sis convinced me to treat myself the other day and I ended up purchasing these beauties.....

ahhhhh shoessss :)

*Tutor led project

We're just about to begin out tutor led project and I chose and got accepted into the Interdisciplinary Theatre Group. Our stimulus is Romeo and Juliet, and I know you're probably snoring from the lack of creativity buuuut it's not Shakespeares rendition....it's Baz Luhrmanns.
Annnnnd being that it's Interdis means incorporating projection and multi levels of technology to our performance using the film etc! This may not excite those who do not care but even if you just love that film you can appreciate the great fun and anticipation that comes with this project!

Thinking Cap.

I'm only just realising how much time I have on my hands at the moment. A lot of time to think.
(Although this may all change once the 'tutor led project'* starts :S)
I feel at the moment I'm just pretending to be an adult. But will I ever feel like an 'adult' or will I forever feel like I'm 16. What does that even mean...Adult?
Dictionary.com says....

a·dult

   /əˈdʌlt, ˈædʌlt/ Show Spelled[uh-duhlt, ad-uhlt] Show IPA

adjective

1.

having attained full size and strength; grown up; mature: an adult person, animal, or plant.

2.

of, pertaining to, or befitting adults.

3.

intended for adults; not suitable for children: adult entertainment.

noun

4.

a person who is fully grown or developed or of age.

5.

a full-grown animal or plant.

6.

a person who has attained the age of maturity as specified by law.

Really?

My perception of it just a list of chores/ activities we watched our parents do for us for years. Some of us maybe became more independent sooner rather than later.

I cook, I clean, I do my own washing, I do my own ironing, I do my own washing up, I do my own hoovering, I change my own bedding, I organise my time (or not), I sort out my finances, I fight my own battles and fight for my own lonely corner.

Sounds stupid went I put it into perspective like that. Why should it be so hard? It shouldn't, should it?

I'm only just learning to be an adult, I'm 20 but I'm just not quite there yet.

Lost and Found.

Finally found my quaint little dream catcher I bought from Mallorca. Good old room tidy :)

Frustration.

My Chronic Fatigue is beginning to take over my life again.
I keep sitting down on my bed and the next thing I know I'm waking up 2-3hrs later.
Missed a few seminars because of this and the Uni is already concerned. Whoops.
It's uncontrollable.
I have a meeting with a disability officer soon so hopefully I can sort it out, if not I'm screwed.
I also keep missing, phonecalls, texts, visits.
Or if I know that I need a nap I'll go home and make up some lame excuse to my drama mates.
So perhaps its my fault I'm not that close with them. I never go to lunch with them between lectures so I miss out on the 'bonding' so to speak.
Well perhaps I'll just have to pop pro plus for now until there's some form of regularity and pattern to follow so my illness can pace itself.
It's a vicious cycle.
One that needs to be broken if I'm to have any chance of surviving here and staying at Uni.

'Sorry for myself' rant over.

Trick or Treat.

Befiore shot looking disgusting in prep to paint.

(Only time I'll ever let you guys see me with hair like this and no make up!)

Annnnd after as a red devil! Excessive perhaps but I felt it was neccessary haha.



Bum Note.

Getting a little tired of trying to break into the drama pack now.
I think because it was so easy with my flat mates and neighbours that it just makes it seem harder to find something in common with my course mates and actually develop a relationship with them.
It might only take one night like a drama social but until then it is my only frustration here.

Pre-Halloween Warm Up.

Today myself and the girls from flat 6-10 went shopping :)
We found ourselves on the highstreet and most importantly Poundland buying decorations for their flat. We eventually ventured to Tesco where Helen and I purchased pumpkins.
Bear in mind that I haven't carved a pumpkin in yearssss. As much effort it took, it was a great joy to look at my work of art once complete. I modeled it on the main guy from Nightmare Before Christmas hehe.
So whilst Helen and I were creating our masterpieces, Meera put up the decorations. Also George and Nat had began the Roast Dinner which I was so kindly welcomed to. Such lovely neighbours!
It also geared me up even more for tomorrow nights festivities aaaaaaah I feel like a child haha.

Oh here's my fab pumpkin btw.....

As opposed to.................

hahaaha. Was a pretty good try I thought.

Spooky.

Halloween is near and I'm so looking forward to it.
Just to dress up, over the top and enjoy being a fool!

Gutted my window doesn't lead out to the other side of the building as Gunwharf had a huge firework display this evening.
This is Halloween, everybody wanna scream!

Yes + Yum x

Adam Levine.....mmmmm yess, yes and always yes in this video.

Lost in Translation.

Concerned is a word I may use.
I think I've lost my ability to flirt with guys I'm actually attracted to.
I could kick myself for not chatting more to the second year I met on the first night....


'Always regret something you have done, rather than something you haven't'


Words to live by.

Oooo New.

Plus +

I had never used it before coming to Uni but my Mum bought me a large can before I left.
It has been a saviour!!!
Since getting my hair shorter I fiddle with it a lot more, then I get a knock on the door saying 'We're going out!' Diaster! Normally would require excessive shampooing but not anymore!

Dry shampoo you are pure genius!!!

Right Now.

I say 'Right Now' as I hope it is for right now.
I am having serious issues with my body.
I just feel bloated and huge and like none of my clothes look nice because I'm bursting out of them.
I feel like since I've been more focused on this, eating more healthily and exercising, I appear to be putting on more weight. Like WTF. How does that even happen?!
How ever it happens it's getting me down. And I'm not just being over dramatic. Being at Uni you have a lot of time to yourself, which usually I love but not of late. It gives me more seconds, minutes and hours to walk past my half length mirror in disgust.
To top it all off, my parents are picking me up and taking me to my Aunt and Uncles in Kent.
I'm not saying they are judgmental they are just very blunt, I guess that's where I get it from haha. Sooooo me turning up with a huge muffin top and double chin isn't something I relish.
(FYI I'm not even joking about the double chin, I keep doing this silly thing when I sit back and duck my head which develops a double chin and I dont even realise when I'm doing it)
I'm going to be very conscious and aware of every angle whilst wearing baggy clothes to hide my shame!

Confidence is key! Hopefully they won't even notice, but I'm sure they will fill me in if they do!
Gotta love relatives!

Quick Note.

Saying LAD! or referring to yourself as a Lad! Pretty much lets everyone know that you're a wannabe prick.
Hmmmm-kay :)

Lovely.

What a lovely evening.
Went to Nando's with the girls, got a student discount...erm yes!
Grabbed some wine and cheesecake from tescos and gorged on that in slumber party style back at Meera and Helens flat, whilst watching Angus, Thong and Perfect Snogging hahhaah. + Face masks.

Also had a good chat/vent about the kitchen situation... It was disgusting.
So Claire and I felt so pro-active that we came back to our flat, wrote down the new Kitchen Rules and began cleaning, sweeping and washing up in the kitchen so that it was spotless and the lads had no excuse not to keep it that clean!
And then congratulated ourselves with a well earned cuppa haha.
Lets see how long the lads keep this up.

Cheeky.

Having a cheeky treat with the girls tonight....

Yuuuuuuum!

Snap.

Finally got my webcam to work :)

So this week just gone has been a massive rollercoaster.
First of all my laptop was taking a hissy fit.
Secondly my belly bar was so unbelievably painful that I took it out and couldnt get it back in again (£30 down the drain).
Thirdly my grandad got sent into hospital but we wont know for sure what's going on until tomorrow!
Fourthly is something I cant talk about but is really winding me up!
Fifthly my uni bag broke!
Sixthly Zit alert!
Seventhly my body keeps giving me mixed signals
Eighthly massive hangover!
Ninethly shopping bill
Tenthly I'm visiting family this weekend and I dont want them to think that Uni has put weight on me, but ffs this damn weight doesnt wanna shift!
A lot of exercising to be done!

Honestly.

Who can honestly say they dont miss their mum when away for excessive periods of time.

Reveal

Before....

ANNNND After!!!!

Home is where the heart is.

I do love Weymouth. No doubt about that.
I'm back in Weytown for a few days, was great fun surprising my unsuspecting loved ones.
I am a crafty lass hehehe.
Also, I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow!!!
So watch this space to see my transformation......

Errrry Boday in the club gettin' Tipsy!

So I'm blogging tipsy, haha.
Typing is a tad funny, just had some chips cheese and curry sauce at meera and helens!
met some gloriously gorgeous irish blokes in the lift but they got off at the wrong floor.
I made sure that Pog my thoin was pronounced correctly in gaelic haha.
right i'm sleepy and have a big day tomorrow/ or today rather.

NIGGGGHT
gotta get my sleep onnnnn!

Owl.

I'm so crap with sleep at the moment.
Which is stupid because it's more vital for me than anyone else.
The pattern is non existent now. I work to late so then my brain is stimulated. Plus, some inconsiderate idiots forget that the walls in halls are paper thin so running around screaming outside my flat, all hours of the night = a frigging grouchy Alice.

i.e me very soon if I dont get some regulation.

Beginning to love my pinboard

It must be love.

I love love love my new perfume, courtesy of my sister.

I feel pretty when I wear it :)

Tips?

Under Pressure.

Tumblr lost a favourite blogger of mine today :(
It appears she felt she could no longer put her day to day feelings online as, by the sounds of things, people were taking too much concern and making her feel shit about it.
Ridiculous.
Of course there were blogs where I was concerned for her but I can appreciate that when signing up to these sites you take a lot on the chin as it just feels great to get things off your chest and type out your frustrations and feelings.

If you read this you know you shouldnt feel like shit because others take things far to serious!
You need a place to vent just as much as any of us who choose to blog.
Plus I'll miss not reading your blog.

This is exactly what I want when I grow up and get my own place and am settled in a job.

The black one will be male and I'd call him Blu and the biscuit one will be female and I'd call here Lola :)

I miss my swatch.

Stand in, for now x

what to do, what to do...

Soooo right now I'm sat at this computer with 2 tabs open. This one. And one with a national express coach ride to home for 2days :/
decisions decisions.
should I do it or suck it up and just wait to go to kent with my parents...

Is this me?

There are studies that suggest that many who go into the performing arts suffer from an external locus of identity.
It means that you value yourself only as others value you, which is often the result of unmatched childhood emotional needs. 

Pretty Please!

I want this hair soooo bad it's untrue.

Seriously craving it. I had my hair chopped before I came to uni but it wasnt as short as I wanted.

If I can post on here my hair looking like this by an achievable date say..... new year then I will be the happiest bunny there ever was!

Goals.

I must lose my pudgy tummy.

I must keep room tidy.

I must keep on top of uni work.

I must clear my skin.

And I must, must get rid of this damnable freshers flu!

Photo Catch Up

Leaving Drinks

Foam Party

Back to School

 Emmys Visit

Pants Party VIPs

Birthday lunch

Sisters in Town

Re-kindling my starbucks love!